My Heart

I have been having some anxiety lately. For those of you who have struggled with anxiety or had panic attacks, my heart goes out to you. It seems to me, that it's the heart that anxiety affects the most. It felt like my heart was beating as fast as the racing thoughts going through my mind! It was not a comfortable feeling and I wondered a few times if I might be having a heart attack.

It all started this summer when we went to California. We were in Disneyland and decided to check out their submarine ride that had just reopened. We had to wait in line for over 45 minutes (no fast pass with this ride~). It was late at night and we were standing in line until the park was about to close. We just had to ride those submarines! (silly tourists)

Finally, we had the dubious pleasure of stepping into the ride--going down a winding staircase into a small cubicle-- as roomy as a sardine can. The ride would submerge just enough to give us the wonderful sensation of being in a submarine (which is about the last thing in the world I would ever want to do!) It was a cute ride though. We got to see fun little fish swim by and nice fake coral reefs-- AND every scene from every underwater Disney movie ever made!

It was all fine until all of the sudden a thought entered my head--"What would happen if I had a heart attack during this stupid, little ride?! How would I get out and how could they help me fast enough?" That's the moment when I let fear into my heart and I started having the first "panic attack" I think I have ever had. It was not a fun experience!

I'm sure my panic attack was a mild one compared to some. I could deal with it even though I was very uncomfortable. It did take all my energy to contain my fear, though, as each little Disney fish swam by and my heart was pounding harder and harder. I kept thinking-- when would this ride ever end? We had waited so long to get on and now I couldn't wait to get off!

Walking back to our hotel, I just couldn't shake the feeling. That's not the way you want to end your day at the Magic Kingdom. And it's not the way you want to end every night of your vacation-- waking up in the middle of the night, anxious and fearful, in a strange hotel room!

Kind of like a souvenir, I brought the anxiety home with me. I had thought maybe it would subside after I got home but I still couldn't shake it. My doctor had to give me medication so I could sleep. I had so much fear some nights that I was afraid to go to bed! The medication helped a little but I would still wake up in the middle of the night with the same thoughts flooding my mind.

I was at the point of exhaustion by the time I found help for my problem. That solution came the way most of my answers come--Prayer! I go to a church who really believes in praying for people so I asked them to pray for me.

It wasn't until the next Sunday that it occurred to me that I had not been struggling with anxiety hardly at all! I don't know why I hadn't noticed this earlier? Apparently, God had answered those prayers last Sunday! Amazingly, I hadn't even noticed! I couldn't believe it! I'm sure God was wondering when I might realize HE had helped me and that maybe, I would have the courtesy to thank HIM!

I went to church that day so grateful. God doesn't answer every prayer the way we want HIM to but HE does hear us when we pray. This time HE did answer the way I wanted and I never even realized it-- until a week later! I wonder how many prayers we've prayed that God answered and we NEVER realized it! It probably happens a lot!

We get so busy in this frantic world that we forget half the things we say--even to God! I think we all probably owe HIM some "thank-you's" . Our lives are touched each day by HIS hand whether we ask HIM or not and whether we realize it or not. We need to be more aware of HIS kindness. We usually blame HIM when things go wrong but rarely remember to thank HIM when things go right.

So, I would like to thank HIM right now, in my "blog", for all HE has done for me--especially these last few weeks! I want to thank HIM from the bottom of my heart!
If you have a comment or thought, please email Carol at : carolrtexas2@aol.com