Being Limited

I walk nearly every day and I love it! It's my time to pray and be with God. And for the past few months, this time has been a refuge for me as it has been a difficult period for me and my family. That is one reason I haven't written in a while. I just haven't felt inspired. But recently, I realized that it's times like these that I should be writing because it is therapeutic. And tragic times call for creativity to get us through.
It was during one of these walks, that I was inspired to write this blog because I met a most unusual person. I think I had seen him before but I didn't pay much attention to him. His name is, Shawn, and he had something to teach me.
Shawn is probably in his 20's and is, what some would term-- mentally challenged, retarded or limited. He was standing on the corner of a street close to my house and he said hello to me which I responded with a hello back. He then said the most amazing thing, "you look pretty today"! At first, I chalked this up to the fact that, he is, after all, limited in his perceptions of things. And he probably said that to every woman who walked by so it didn't mean that much to me. I just thought it was cute.
But the next day, he said it again. And I thought that this is just something he has learned to say because it brings a good response from those he says it to.
The next day, I filed his compliment in the learning theory of behavior modification and thanked him and went on my way.
Another day, another walk, another compliment.-- I don't think I even heard it because I knew he was going to say it.
The next day, I turned the corner and he wasn't there. I didn't see him anywhere. I looked around for him. Where was he??? I then realized-- I missed him---A LOT!
I continued my walk reluctantly, and it occured to me that I had grown accustomed to being complimented every day and told I was pretty. And --I liked it! It was surprising to me how much his "compliments on cue" had each day become a lift in my step and a smile on my "pretty" face!
This sweet, "limited" boy had found his way into my limited heart.
I had tried every way I could to discount his compliments because I felt they were not grounded in reality. After all, I have a mirror. But who am I to question his motives and even his perception of things? If he thinks I'm pretty, then so be it! I'll accept that at "face" value.
How often do I limit the joy I could feel by explaining it away or thinking it comes from a source that I don't value. So often I limit my relationships by not opening my mind (and heart) to the blessing right in front of me.
Shawn is free of all the complicated ways I try to construct my perceptions of other people and what they say to me. I size up the person based on appearance, clothes, personality, environment, race and my own perception of myself. And in the midst of doing all of that, maybe I heard a little of what they actually said. Why can't I just accept people the way they are and take what they say without analyzing it to pieces? I miss so many blessings by not really believing what people say to me. Even if what they say is hurtful. Sometimes it holds a truth I need to hear.
Life is complicated enough. I need to simplify my communication and start really listening to people and take what they say with a simple "thank you".
I've concluded that Shawn says what he means and I'm the one who is limited.

The Gifts I Received Today!

I'm at West Lido beach as I write this. I'm "taking in" the ocean. Tim and Luke are at a youth conference in Baltimore and so I have all this "free" time to do some things. The "things" I should do can wait because the beach is calling my name.

I love to go to the beach and just totally be there. I love to walk by the waves and look at every little shell that catches my eye and not feel rushed to leave. Well, there is no one rushing me today! And I'm loving every minute of it! It is incredibly magnificent! There are no words to describe how beautiful the weather is right now!

The beach is beautiful and the waves are crashing and the sky is blue and the breeze is perfect! I am relishing it all! And then I realize that being here is a beautiful gift to me. The ONE WHO made it all is enjoying it right along with me! HE is aware that I am delighting in all HE has made! And I know that pleases HIM!

God is here. I see HIS hand everywhere~~~The waves are dancing in delight as if they are raising their white caps to worship HIM! The blue sky backs them up with clarity and hue. The sea gulls join in with their song as they sail in the sky~~ The Sandpipers rush to and fro excited to be there~~~Just like me~!

After walking a while, I lay down on the sand and bask in the sun while the breezes flow over me. I listen to the beautiful rhythm of the waves as they hit the shore with a melodic beat. They lull me to a peace that is rare on this earth.I am aware how precious this time is. It is a sweet gift from my Holy Father. HE is always near but HE seems much closer when I come to the shore. It is a reflection of HIS power and how awesome HE is~~!

I think that God is a lot like the ocean. HE is powerful and majestic! HE is deep and beautiful! We cannot fathom HIM like we cannot fathom the deeps of the ocean. We try to fit God into our finite brains but we cannot do that any more than we can fit the ocean into a swimming pool! We try to understand HIM but we simply cannot. HE is too awesome to comprehend just as the ocean is too vast to contain.
I leave my bag and towel and take my phone and keys and set out to enjoy the shore. I walk for an hour and love every second of it. I see something in the distance and as I came closer to it, I realize that the large clump is a large group of Sandpipers just hanging out together. I have never seen anything like this before! There are about a hundred of them and they seem to be standing in lines.

There are some who are going in and out of the group but they do it in a very organized way. There seems to be a method to their madness~!
The ones coming in from the ocean go to the back of the group and the rest stay in place. The group grows bigger in the back. There are some who actually seem to be patrolling the group to be sure they are staying in line! It is awesome! I walk as close as I can to them without disturbing them and watch them for a long time! It is very entertaining because they are so cute!
Another gift!
I walk back enjoying the sun shining on my face and I feel like I am in my twenties again. I feel strong and thin and a little darker! This is a definite GIFT! I feel so good that I almost can't contain it.
As I drive home, I just can't believe the beauty of the weather! I walk my dog, Sugar, down the streets around my neighborhood and every tree is budding with beautiful flowers and the birds are singing in every bird language! I want to wrap my arms around the day and just hug it!
This is another gift!
God has just blessed my day so much. All HE has created HE wants me to enjoy. HE made everything for HIS pleasure-- and ours! HE delights in our delight. HE is the Giver of good gifts! And he certainly gave me some wonderful gifts today! I just want to hug HIM!

Thank YOU, FATHER!

carolrtexas2@aol.com

IF You're not Sure You Believe in God

If you are struggling with your faith or if you don't believe in God, for whatever reason, read this blog. I don't know if it will make a difference but I know that it helped me. So let me know if it makes a difference to you. This blog is partly about my journey and partly something I discovered on the "road".

I was thinking about my life one night as I was sitting in the church I now go to. I started going to it about a year ago and it kind of hit me that my life journey had brought me to this little church where I never expected to end up. The church is very close to my home and I have driven past it a million times and know people who go there. But I just always thought I'd stay in the church I had been going to for the past 9 years.

We all make a journey through this life (as corny as that may sound). And mine brought me to this little church after all my years of walking as a Christian. And in this church, through God using certain people, I have found amazing freedom and healing in my life that I had never found before!

Over the years I have gone to many different churches. When I was growing up in TX, I went to a huge Church! It was immense--especially in my small eyes. But I DIDN'T find God there. And I was hungry for HIM-- even then.

Of course, I heard a lot about HIM and learned many facts and stories and rules--but not HIM. HE may have been there-- but I didn't see HIM.

I often think that people give up on God because we ( people, Christians, churches) get in the way.

Some of you may have once believed in God but not so much anymore. You went to church for a while but it didn't really do anything for you so you just quit going. Or maybe someone (or a group of people) really hurt you there. And you thought, "if this is Christianity---forget about it!"

But I'm here to tell you ----DON'T STOP LOOKING!

HE is REAL! HE says if you seek HIM diligently, you WILL find HIM!
I guarantee you will-- if you really want to!

I would venture to say that nearly everyone believes there is a spiritual world out there. They may not call it God. Some may call it enlightenment or a Higher Power or just plain "energy". But most realize there is "something" out there that is not of this world--it's spiritual.

So if you are not really sure there is a God:

..... then you probably believe that we just came into being after a big explosion. And that explosion somehow created life-- something like an amoeba. And that amoeba became all the different life forms we have today.

But if that's true, then how did the spiritual world develop from that amoeba?

Now you may be one of the few people who doesn't even believe in spiritual things. But most people do believe in spirituality in some form. They have seen things they cannot explain and they knew they were from a spiritual realm. I have experienced the supernatural--both Good and bad--so I know it exists.
(I would be glad to tell you more about that if you are interested.)

Where did that spiritual element come from if we were all blown into existence?

And if there is a spiritual force in this world, what is its source?

I personally believe there is a "veil" that covers our physical eyes which keeps us from seeing the spiritual world. But just because we can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. It is.

Just like the wind-- we can't see it but we know it exists~

In my life journey I have come to believe that there is a spiritual world. And that world has to have a source.... I believe it comes from a Spiritual Being. We are not able to comprehend this BEING-- just like it's pretty hard to comprehend how an explosion created life.

And it's also hard to comprehend and fathom the millions of galaxies that go on and on without end in this universe. But just because it's mind boggling to try and fathom a universe that seems to be endless., doesn't mean that it's not true. Our most powerful telescopes in space just find more and more galaxies as they float deeper and deeper into our solar system.

And just because it's hard to fathom an Almighty, Spiritual BEING, does not mean HE is not there!

Perhaps you have talked yourself out of believing because it is such a stretch to believe in HIM?

But what is the alternative?
Is it any easier to believe that an asteroid created all of it??? And that life somehow formed from this major explosion and then evolved into all the different life forms we have today on earth?? And one of those forms became apes and the other humans? And the humans have a greater intelligence and a spiritual part to them-- but the apes weren't so fortunate?
(People who believe this are considered the intellectuals.)

It doesn't make any more sense to believe that than it does in an Almighty God. But perhaps it's easier to believe in the "big bang" because there is no responsibility to then have to deal with the reality of a Holy God.

But if it does happen to be true that there is a God, what does that mean to you?

It means you are loved by an amazing Being! It means you get to have a relationship with the ONE WHO made you! It means you get to live forever with HIM if you accept the gift HIS Son gave you--forgiveness for your sins. And we ALL need that forgiveness!

HE also said there is a very real and present enemy that lives and moves on this earth. And he is out to destroy all that is good in this world and he means business. That is why there is so much sadness and pain in this world.

You cannot live passively in this life. You have to serve somebody-- just like the song says.

God doesn't want anyone to end up without HIM. That is why HE made a way for us so we don't have to. But it is our choice.

So if you still doubt HE exists, then find out for yourself whether HE is real or not. Ask HIM to show you HIMSELF. And if you are really looking--HE will!

Then ask HIM into your heart. This Amazing BEING wants a relationship with you! That's why HE created us in the first place--like a Father who wants to have a child---HE wants You. HE doesn't just want you to know about HIM-- HE wants you to know HIM! And that will take you a lifetime--an eternity.

Have a Glorious Easter!

Carol
carolrtexas2@aol.com

A Beach Day in December

We just got home from the beach and it's only three days after Christmas! Today was warm for December so we decided to take the opportunity and get some fresh air. It's the first place I've really gone since I got sick on Christmas. So it was nice to get out and soak up some sun. We took our Westie, Sugar, out to run free on the beach and she had so much fun! It was a great day!

I love going to the beach anytime of year because I feel close to God there. The waves remind me of HIS mighty power. The amazing expanse of the ocean reminds me God cannot be put into a box. And the constant movement of the waves fill me with a peace that no other place on earth offers.

While I was walking along the shore today, I remembered another special day I had on the beach many years ago--about 15 or so. Tim and I had just gone through another miscarriage and our hearts were crushed. The people where I worked at the time, Youth Guidance, felt badly for us and so they blessed us with several days away on the East End in Montauk. This is one of our favorite places but I wasn't sure if we could find any "sunshine" for our souls--- even there.

Depression reigned in our hearts as we arrived at our hotel there on the beach. We both went our separate ways as we prepared to deal with our sorrow in our own way. The ocean is the most healing place I know of on earth, so I was hopeful.

I decided to take a walk on the beach--maybe I would try to jog a little even though I was very much out of shape. I tried my best but I could only go a few feet without gasping for air. At that moment I felt such despair that I wanted to just give up on life. I felt so ugly and fat. I wanted to go in my hotel room and just cry. The ocean offered no comfort even though it was a beautiful day to be there.

But then, just as suddenly as my feeling of despair had come, it was as if the Lord, God of the Universe, spoke to me and asked me to praise HIM. I said out loud that I didn't feel like praising HIM. But HE didn't give up and asked me to do it anyway and that it would be a "sacrifice of Praise". I agreed that is exactly what it would be--a sacrifice!

I thought to myself --what could I possibly be thankful for? (which is sad that I even had that ridiculous thought). But then I said out loud but only as a whisper--"thank You, God, for the ocean"-- since it was right in front of me and that was all I could think of. And, I found, it wasn't that hard to say "thank you". So I continued, "thank You for the sun--and the birds--and the sand--and the shells (and I expounded) that are like treasures lying there for the taking." It was getting easier! "And God, thank You for making me----fat and all. Thank You for my body even though I have let it get so out of shape. And thank You for the fact that I can walk and move. Thank You for letting me be here and that I can see the beauty around me."

And on and on I went until I felt pretty good!

As a matter of fact, I felt so good that I felt like running. And I took off and ran and ran and ran! I ran so long that when I finally stopped, I was in an isolated part of the beach. I began to praise and worship the ONE WHO made the waves. I danced with the waves and shouted and exalted in HIM! I was out there for hours!

When I got back to the hotel, I was one of the happiest hotel guests in the place-- And one of the most sun burned! Tim was amazed at my transformation. So was I! And it lasted!

I came back to Huntington and started working out. I started eating right and got down to the size I was when I moved here. I felt great-- inside and out!

And I started believing God and what HE says in HIS Word. And I started to believe HE would give us a child. I found Scriptures that comforted me and strengthened my faith. And my faith grew.

We were going to a Fertility specialist at the time and we were supposed to have a procedure done. But for some reason, I knew we didn't need it. I had a peace that God was going to give us a child without medical "expertise".

Nine months later, I was proved to be right. My precious son, Luke, was born on February 17th and our lives have never been the same. He is a gift that Tim and I continue to cherish and we know, maybe more than most, that he is indeed a miracle!

When I go to the ocean, I am often reminded of that special day on the beach when it seemed all was lost. But nothing is lost when it's given to HIM. Things don't always turn out the way we want but HE always works it out for our good if we trust HIM!

May we remember WHO HE is in this coming year. HE is as real as the majestic, roaring ocean and all things are possible with HIM!

May 2008 be a year of HIS mighty hand in your life!
carolrtexas2@aol.com

Thanksgiving a Little Late

I haven't written anything in a while. I guess I haven't felt the inspiration to write.

I have been battling with dark thoughts lately. It just seems like everything is dark around me. This time of year is beautiful with the fall colors but the leaves are quickly dropping away and the stark limbs are a dreary reminder that winter is coming. And for those of you who didn't know, during the fall and winter in the Northeast, it gets dark here by 4:30~!!! It's almost too much darkness! And I'm finding it very depressing. It just adds to the feeling of being blue (or maybe it's even causing it!)

I have to keep reminding myself that so many factors could be causing the sadness I feel lately. It could be the lack of daylight and my hormones going crazy and who knows what else that is effecting my mood. It is such an effort to not wallow in these dark moods.

I saw this show recently where a blind woman was talking about how important it is to monitor our self talk. She says we are rarely aware of what we're saying to ourselves and that we should tune in. She said that most of us are playing some very destructive tapes in our heads. Most of the messages are negative and critical and were usually recorded when we were young. We just heard the words so much that they have become the norm to us and now it's the message we continue to listen to. It's like our minds have been programed to self destruct on their own!

And if you haven't read the book, Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer, I would recommend it heartily! In it, she describes how most of our problems originate in the mind. That's where the battle is fought and won (or lost).

Well, there is a battle raging in my head right now, that's for sure. I can almost feel my thoughts getting their "heads" blown off as I struggle to write this blog.


I have to take hold of my thoughts and command them to go in a different direction. I have to give them new orders because I can't just let them do what they want. Otherwise I'm going to lose this battle!

I think my thoughts will need to be reprogrammed. I need to feed my thoughts with positive seeds so good thoughts will be produced. I need to pull these negative, gloomy thoughts out of my mind by the root! And I need to focus on the good things in my life and be thankful instead of focusing on what I don't have. Of course it sounds good on paper but can I make it happen?

"Being thankful is what you do, when you're feeling a little blue."


OK then, let me try to be thankful even though it's about the last thing I want to do right now.

(Ten minute break)
I took a break and wrote down the things I am thankful for and it was a nice exercise. What surprised me about it was the order in which I randomly wrote things down. I started with my health which is certainly important but then I realized I wrote my faith down on number 7 and my family after that! The ones before were other physical things I was thankful for and I even put my job at number 6 and I don't really like my job that much! I am thankful to have it because it brings in a little extra cash but i don't enjoy the job of being a substitute teacher!

That made me realize that I'm often not aware of what I'm really thankful for. I kind of haphazardly go my way each day oblivious to the blessings that surround me. It made me want to make more of an effort to be aware of, and to be thankful for, my many blessings~~~

These are just some of the thoughts that went through my head today after doing this very painless exercise. It was easy and it made me think about my life and what's good about it --which is always a positive step!

So I just wanted to encourage you to do a "Thankful List" too even though Thanksgiving is over. It might give you a better perspective on your life.
You could ask yourself things like:

Do you think about your blessings each day?

If you do, how do you show your appreciation?

Do you thank God for these blessings?

Or do you just attribute them to luck?

What are you most grateful for?

How can you live a more contented, grateful life?

I am going to try and be thankful for the rest of this day. I'm not going to look at the dark things for now. I'm going to try and focus on what I consider blessings.

And I don't think it would hurt any of us to make Thanksgiving a way of life and not just something we celebrate once a year.

"To be thankful is to be truly alive!"

I'm feeling better already! Thanks for listening :)

Comments: carolrtexas2@aol.com

PS
By the way, I'm very thankful for each of you!

My Last Neatly Packaged Blog

Someone responded to my last blog "Got Peace?" and said he could relate to the beginning of the blog but not to the end of it. He understood how it is trying to find a rare, peaceful minute in this life but he could not relate to the end of my blog. That's the one where I neatly packaged my story with the "get Jesus and you'll get peace" ribbon.

He is a Christian but he said he wished it were that simple to find peace. I do too!

I felt like I had succumbed to a weakness I have always had which is to wrap everything up in my mind with a tidy, nice ending. I like happy endings and I always want my stories and musings to have one but I think I made the bow too big on this one.

Life is simply not that simple and I, of all people, know that. That is why I have repressed so many bad memories because they don't fit into my happy ending ideology. So forgive me for the trite ending of my last blog. It was not fitting. It was not honest.

I do believe what I said is true but not how I presented it. If you truly abide in Jesus you will have peace. But I am no expert in the peace department and I shouldn't have come across as one.

So if you don't have peace in your life, I empathize , because I don't very often either. I think it's hard to live under the "shadow of the Almighty" all the time in this fallen world. I believe Jesus did it but He's probably the only ONE Who really succeeded at it.

For the rest of us, it's a hit and miss endeavor. Sometimes we live in that reality and sometimes we don't. When we do, it's glorious because nothing can touch us there. But more often than not, the world gropes at us with its worries and troubles and we usually let it snatch our peace away. And I think that's where the majority of us live most of the time.

So, to end this blog, I will do it more honestly this time. I wish I had more peace in my life. I long for it, crave it and need it. And the older I get, the more I desire it. I do believe very much in Heaven and that I will find peace there that is unimaginable. But in the meantime, I'd like to find more of it down here.

Any suggestions or comments, write carol at: carolrtexas2@aol.com
She'd love to hear from you! Honestly!

Got Peace?

It's Sunday and we just got home from church. We have to leave in a few hours to go to a party in New Jersey for a friend of the family. So I'm thinking that I would like to take a little nap before we go.

I am just about to nod off when the phone rings. Then, as if on cue my dog ,Sugar, barks because she sees a squirrel outside. So with great urgency, she jumps on me from the top of the couch where she had been looking out the window. She runs to the back of the house to see if the squirrel is in the backyard where she would just love to catch it and mangle it. And much to Sugar's delight, my son had just gone out and left the door open!! So she got to run outside and actually chase the squirrel (something she usually only imagines). Tim saw the whole thing transpire so he knew that he was the lucky one who would have to run after her (the dog-not the squirrel). While he was gone the gutter guy showed up--on a Sunday! And after the phone rang a few more times (Luke's friends call every 3 minutes unless you pick up the phone to tell them he's not there), I decided to give up the notion of a nap~~~~

Peace. An elusive state of being.

Sometimes I find it and then it's gone. It's like a gentle dove. Doves will fly away at the slightest noise or disturbance. Peace is like that--gone at the slightest provocation.

A few mornings ago, I decided to take a walk. I love this time of year with the leaves changing color and the crisp, cool air. I just wanted to take it all in so I set out to get some exercise while enjoying the season. About the exact same time, a man nearby decided this would be a good time to turn on his leaf blower (Who invented these? And what purpose do they really serve other than to move leaves around and annoy neighbors?) This also happened to be the time of morning when the garbage trucks started their job. And the dog across the street had to start barking and prompted several other dogs to do the same thing. And of course, a morning would not be complete without a few sirens going down the street or a car alarm going off!

Once again, peace eluded me.

But what if I had found the peace I sought this particular morning? How long would it have lasted?

One of my cousins just moved with her husband to a town in Oklahoma so they could be close to their son and his children. They had everything now. A nice house close to their family and life was good. Six months later, she died. How long did her peaceful existence last? Not long.

My conclusion: peace is not included in the gift of life! If you happen to find it, you won't keep it long. If one moment has it, the next one won't! If this war ends, another one will soon follow. If everything is going great, it won't last.

I sound like a pessimist but I am also speaking a truth that no one likes to hear. This world offers no permanent peace. No matter how hard we try to arrange life to our liking, it won't stay the way we want it.

"They will seek peace, but there will be none."

So it would seem that we must seek peace someplace other than here because obviously, we're not going to find it on this planet.
Is there any place that does have it?
Does anyone have the answer?
Do we have to die to find peace?

"Yes,... yes ....and.... no."

There is a place that has it and there is Someone Who knows the Answer and we don't have to wait until we die to find it!

Well, this is good news-- finally!

So where is this place that has lasting peace?
Right here, right now, on this earth!

I thought you said there is no peace on this earth?
There isn't-- if you don't know the Man. It's not the place that is important--it's the Person.

And WHO is this Person Who has the Answer?
Jesus, the Son of God. HE can give us peace in this troublesome world.

"These things I have spoken to you, that in ME you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

"Peace I leave with you, MY peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Any thoughts or comments? Email Carol at: carolrtexas2@aol.com